Peter the Apostle is an interesting figure. He is often characterized in light of his weakness and his denial of Christ on the night of Christ's capture by the Pharisees and Sadducees. There is so much more to Peter than this denial, and much more to his alleged denial than has been said.
Peter was by trade a fisherman, a man accustomed to hard physical labor and more than likely accustomed to risking his life in the face of physical dangers. He fished the Sea of Galilee and would have been accustomed to facing his problems directly by his own physical capacity and ingenuity.
Imagine this man called to be a fisher of men, called to think, to listen, to turn the other cheek, to be meek and lowly of heart. Throughout the New Testament Christ rebukes Peter, not for his hesitancy, but for his impetuosity. Even when he lacked faith he shows daring. When the Savior walked toward their ship on the water and all thought it was a ghost or a spirit, Peter upon hearing the Savior's voice cried out, "Lord, if it be thou, bid me come unto thee on the water." and he did, often more attention is paid to the very valuable and powerful message that Peter only began to sink when he took his eyes off of the Savior. But, he did walk on the water. Peter stepped out of the boat and walked several steps before, as it were the distractions of the storm he walked through pulled him down. Yes, the Savior rebuked him, but maybe in mildness rather than in frustration, O thou of little faith.
Peter's ministry with the Savior exemplified his devotion, his willingness to follow the Savior at all costs. When most were abandoning the Savior for his hard doctrines, Peter was the one who boldly stated "Where shall we go thou hast the words of eternal life"
The very evening of Christ's betrayal by Judas, the Savior had already said to Peter, "Tonight thou shalt deny me thrice." When the mob came to take Jesus Christ, Peter far from denying the Savior, he stepped forward and true to his word he prepared to give his live in defense of the man he loved, the man he had been devoted to for the previous 3 years. The Savior again had to calm the impetuous Peter. It's as if Peter was still trying to understand and the Savior was still trying to teach him. Peter, this is the mission and reason I am come into the world. Peter, you have another role and you must allow this.
I don't pretend to know better than others who have spoken or written on this subject, and these are my thoughts and my ideas, but they have given me strength. Peter, the same man who had by revelation learned that Christ was the Savior, Christ the same who had stood with the Savior on the Mount of transfiguration and received keys to the leadership of the Church, was experiencing a crisis, a crisis of faith. Peter knew the Christ was the Savior, he knew that he was called to lead the Church after Christ's death, but this was beyond him. He had a vision, a vision of himself and a vision of what the Savior would do. Peter expected one thing and this betrayal and requirement to accept Christs death was a true crisis. Peter had stood by as the Savior worked out the atonement in the Garden of Gethsemane. He had been so overcome by fatigue, likely brought on by the extreme spiritual experiences of the Last Supper, that he could not watch even one hour.
As I think of Peter, in this state. A man of action, a man who had a powerful testimony of the Savior, a man who was told he would deny knowing the Savior, a man who was devoted to the man who had called him to be a fisher of men, a man who was willing to give up his own life to protect the Savior and had proven it by stepping alone in front of an armed mob. This Peter had been told by this same man he was willing to defend and die for, "But how then shall the ascriptures be fulfilled, that thus it must be?" (Matthew 26:54") I think about what his emotional and spiritual state must have been.
This night for Peter was a true crisis, but I wonder if it was a different crisis than we often think it was. Most see this as a crisis of Peter's faith, a test of his courage, and see his response as a failure, a weakness of his faith in a moment of doubt. This is definitely, a portion of what was going on. Peter, a man of action and of faith, was watching the King of the kingdom he was so anxious to see ushered in, being betrayed, mocked, scorned and this man to whom he was so devoted had himself told him that he must suffer this and die. He knew that he had been given the keys to lead after the death of this man, who was more than a man, but he was scared, and surely his faith, his confidence in this unseen thing, was weakened. Along with that, here was this man who confronted all obstacles and challenges directly with boldness and with powerful statements of his devotion, being asked, and compelled to deny his own nature and submit to the will of God. I believe that part of Peter's crisis this night went beyond his doubts, but went on to the deep challenge of knowing he wanted to do one thing and because of his devotion to the Savior he had to do another. Peter wanted to stand and defend the Savior, he was more than willing to give his life for the Savior, but he couldn't. He had to deny his own nature. He had to humbly submit to a will that wasn't his own. Truly fear and doubt must have influenced his choice to verbally deny knowing the Savior, but what a conflict of soul must have existed for him as he had to deny his own nature to do so. He must have wrestled with his own soul. He had boldly testified of the Savior, and he had boldly promised devotion, but now, his devotion was being tested because he had to stand idly by and let tragedy take it's course. He was tired both physically and spiritually and here was his friend being abused and he could do nothing but stand by and watch it happen. He had seen the Savior escape the manipulations of the Pharisees and Saduccees before, he knew that the Savior could easily call down legions of angels to defend him. This must have been a bitter conflict for a man so willing to take action, to be called upon to deny his own nature and allow this to happen.
So, when he had verbally denied the Savior 3 times and the cock crowed, of course he would go out and weep bitterly. Much of that bitterness was probably brought about by his feeling of failure, his feeling of weakness that he couldn't save Jesus. But much of his bitterness could also have been brought about by his own recognition that he now was called upon to humble himself, to submit his will to something he didn't naturally want to do. Bitterness could have been brought about and his crisis may have included recognizing that his own nature wasn't going to save Jesus. What benefit would it have done Peter to boldly testify of the Savior, and die with him. He knew that he was called to carry on after the Savior was gone. He knew that he was called to lead the church. What a deep crisis this must have been for him to have to stand idly by, deny knowing the Savior and allow this man he loved to die. He knew that Christ was going to be resurrected, but that didn't change to grief that came from recognizing the reality that Christ was first going to suffer and die.
What a challenge for this man. This man of action to have to bridle his own nature and not confront this challenge head on. Peter was called upon to deny his own nature and allow what to him must have appeared a true tragedy, a grief that could not be born. His faith in the living Christ was based on experience and revelation, his faith in the resurrected Christ was one of hope. Of course, he would go out and weep bitterly, Undoubtedly in repentance, but also, I believe, he wept in the crisis of soul that comes when one recognizes that we can no longer pursue our own will but must submit humbly to the will and purpose of something greater.
This view of Peter helps me, when I think of my own will and my own desires, it helps to think that Peter had to be submissive, he had a crisis of faith, a crisis that I don't believe he failed in, but that he was refined by. The rest of Peter's life was full of the action he was so notable for in his discipleship. He led the church boldly and stood forth boldly to defend his testimony of the Savior. Now, his boldness was tempered by this crisis, tempered by the recognition that at times following his own heart would thwart the will of God, recognition that he must boldly do exactly what the Savior and God asked of him.
What a great man this Peter was.
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